I am currently reading one of the most amazing books I have ever read entitled “Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing” by Anita Moorjani and wanted to share this quote with you.
“Problems and strife come as a result of our not knowing who we are and not being able to show our inner beauty. We’ve created so much judgment about what’s “perfect,” which leads to doubt and competitiveness. Since we feel as though we’re not good enough, we go around acting out. However, if each of us became aware of our magnificence and felt good about ourselves, it seems to me the only thing we’d have to share is our unique nature, expressed outwardly in a loving manner that reflects our self-care.”
My page a day calendar gives me a dose of wisdom every morning. More often than not, it tells me exactly what I need to here.
“We tend to imagine negative thoughts and emotions to be an integral part of our mind about which we can do very little. Far from recognizing their destructive potential and challenging them, we often nurture and reinforce them. But their nature is wholly destructive. They are the very source of unethical conduct. They are also the basis of the worry, depression, confusion, and stress which are such a feature of modern society.” – Dalai Lama
How would you like t to have this person taking care of you? I’m a much better drunk than a nurse but I’m doing the best I can. Without having had a drink, as I was headed out the door to get Doug some of his favorite food, Panda Express, I fell off the stairs. I thought to myself: “I probably wouldn’t have fallen if I were drunk. I would have been more careful…knowing that I was drunk.” Oh well, I only hurt my already sore knee when I hit the ground. I’m having a drink now…
After much prodding, Doug took two ibuprofen because the local anesthetic in his chest wore off. He was afraid of “the rebound effect” when the ibuprofen wore off! What? Has anyone heard of that?
“Sheesh, I’d fire that nurse!”
Oh! His fortune cookie said: “Listen to friends with an ear to the future.”
Listen to me Doug! You are not “sick”, you just have this huge, weird wart and the doctors are going to burn it off. Then you get to keep having fun!
What product do you see coming forward in today’s society which might be more valuable than tobacco? Perhaps ammunition or religion? It won’t be too long before robots are hopping around, feeding us (should they choose so per their programming) poetry, chicken nuggets, and deep fried beef bits. “God Damn your soul to the fires of hell.”
We haven’t come much further than this:
“May His Holy communion guide you through your dismal life.”
Having just escaped from dreams of destruction and rejection, I inserted myself into a situational self-grieving. There are plenty of things which can smother you in fear (if allowed to), constrict around your neck and tickle the inside of your ears until it becomes a torture. Thoughts rolling over and over again until they’re over cooked as a burnt chicken on a rotisserie, charred with no good meat left to eat. I’ve licked the stamp and sent the letter, the same letter, written over and over again in scrawls and scratches on heavy, linen paper. Words defined and redefined but never redirected: always boomerangs. I keep thinking I can empty the fireplace with a teaspoon.
The fire is out and the gritty edge of morning blackness feigns its death, for I know it will be back to dull the edge of the blade I use while dissecting my sorrows and persecutions. Daylight slithers in, soft gray with an odor of musty basement and rotting leaves. Now that I can see a hundred yards the world begins to collapse in; I find myself in the jaws of a monster, his hot breath comes in waves. I feel the steamy stench through the holes in my gray socks. This is tender time: when the masterpiece of dream becomes painted over by world number two whose colors seem more stark, whose contrast seems more sharp and whose frame is rigid ebony, sharp boundaries which cannot be crossed. I am awake.
The day was gray. Mist hung in the air, painting goosebumps on my face. I looked out over the brownscape, remnants of dying trees covered mohair grass which was patiently waiting for a day of longer sunshine. I blinked three times hoping the scene might instantly change but the mist repainted the same picture in an instant. My breaths were short and shallow, keeping my eyelids barely pumped up enough to squint at a distant triangle of mournfully honking geese who were headed east; they didn’t seem to know where they were going. My belly rubbed against the rough inside of my sweater with each shallow breath, reminding me that Winter planned on staying for a while. I struggled to imagine red tulips.
A stray dog entered the scene. Jumpy squirrels scattered in a blur of gray fur. The black dog relieved himself on my lawn. My eyes widened just enough to let the cold mist sprinkle them before releasing back into a squint. I was too weak to chase the dog away, just barely had enough strength to imagine myself stepping in his unwanted gift when Spring comes; it would lay there frozen over months until spring thaw softened it enough to wedge in the treads of my tennis shoes. I took a deep breath as my heart skipped.
Why couldn’t there be a rip in the gray blanket of sky which was holding me down?
I can sum up today in one word: worried. Worried about a call I received from a creditor trying to collect on a medical bill. Worried that my work schedule has changed dramatically, destroying my personal life. I’m so worried that I didn’t even want to eat my lunch. Where do I find consolation? How do I get in this spiral of worry anyway?
Worry has always been the thing I cling to; I suppose because it’s familiar. I haven’t had a lot of joy, or at least I don’t look for it. God forbid that I be ungrateful. I’m really overlooking all the blessings I do have. At a time like this, when I’m about to worry myself into a literal panic I must:
Take deep breaths
Take inventory of what I am grateful for
Use faith to eradicate my worry
I believe it was Edgar Cayce who said “Why worry when you can pray?”; I’ll try a little of that too.
“If peace is homeless, so are you and so am I. And He Who is our home is homeless with us. Is this your wish? Would you forever be a wanderer in search of peace? Would you invest your hope of peace and happiness in what must fail?”
“The body can bring you neither peace nor turmoil; neither joy nor pain. It is a means, not an end. It has no purpose of itself, but only what is given to it. The body will seem to be whatever is the means for reaching the goal that you assign to it. Peace and guilt are both conditions of mind, to be attained.”
“It is impossible to seek for pleasure through the body and not find pain. It is essential that this relationship be understood, for it is one the ego sees as proof of sin. It is not really punitive at all. It is but the inevitable result of equating yourself with the body, which is the invitation to pain. (emphasis added) For it invites fear to enter and become your purpose.”–A Course in Miracles Chapter 19 The Attainment of Peace Section VIII, The Attraction of pain.
One must remember that this persisting illusion (our “existence”) will fade away. Through faith, eternity and miracles are one’s birthright. Pain is in your past, and may well be in your future, but linear time is a trick. You can be King of your own Castle of consciousness and through the reality of mindfulness free yourself from every illusion for it is only in the very blink of your eye that you are free from pain, guilt and suffering. This instant is yours.–TB
“The rituals of the god of sickness are strange and very demanding. Joy is never permitted, for depression is a sign of allegiance to him. Depression means that you have forsworn God. Many are afraid of blasphemy, but they do not understand what that means. They do not realize that to deny God is to deny their own Identity, and in this sense the wages of sins is death. The sense is very literal; denial of life perceives its opposite, as all forms of denial replace what is with what is not. No one can really do this, but that you can think you can and believe you have is beyond dispute”
“You may believe that you judge your brothers by the messages they give you, but you have judged them by the message you give to them. Do not attribute your denial of joy to them, or you cannot see the spark in them that would bring joy to you. It is the denial of the spark that brings depression, for whenever you see your brothers without it, you are denying God.” —“A Course in Miracles” Chapter 10 The Idols of Sickness, Section V. The Denial of God
Is this not the most difficult challenge we face in life; seeing the same spark in our brothers that is within us? Challenge yourself to look for it in even those you most despise and your depression will be gone. TB