Tag Archives: Miracles

Wally

I have to write this stuff down before I forget the sequence of events.  (I took the picture above at Devil’s Tower in Wyoming. Many believe that orbs are lens dust. Devil’s Tower is a very spiritual place and I have more pictures from different angles with different orbs in different places and this is the only place I have ever taken pictures in my whole life which have orbs in them.  Devil’s Tower was misnamed because of a moronic translation by a man who had no idea about Native American faith or language.  Believe me, it is a Holy place) I have faith that there is a life beyond this one, mainly because of evidence I have witnessed first hand and secondly by reading many books about people in hospice and near death experiences.

Wally, Doug’s deceased father, is here and present during this crisis beyond a doubt!

  1. The morning after Doug had been admitted to the hospital, I awoke to heat up my cup of coffee in the microwave.  We always have leftover coffee.  The microwave had been moved and, as soon as I pushed the start button, the timer light came on and then it just fried out, kaput, done.  Okay, it was very old but if you read anything about “ghosts” they do seem to like electrical objects.
  2. The Cardinal bird, which I almost never see, appeared in the bush outside.  If you had read previous posts you would know that both Doug and I see a male Cardinal bird as a sign of his Dad, Wally.
  3. That same morning, I put a load of laundry in the washer.  Knowing it would be done when I got home, I went down to put the clothes in the dryer.  Somehow before I got home, the washing machine had been turned off!  We have an old washing machine on which you have to pull out the giant button on the top right in to stop it.  It was still a third full of water and, when I pushed the button in, it came back on and finished the load of clothes.
  4. When I came up from the basement steps immediately after that incident, plain as day, I saw Doug walking through the kitchen in his maroon sweatpants and beige hoodie which has been his outfit of choice through this whole nightmare.  Looking back, I believe it was a spirit masquerading as Doug in order to comfort me.  Yes, you think I’m nuts! I know!
  5. That same morning, when I went to visit Doug at the hospital, my foot started itching so I took my shoe off to scratch it.  Something was inside my sock: a penny!  Now I can see a penny showing up in my shoe but this one was inside of my sock which I had just taken out of the drawer that morning.  It was a 1997 D penny for whatever that is worth.  I put it on Doug’s little shelf in the hospital as a “lucky” penny.
  6. That same day, I believe, Doug’s mother was visitin tig him in the hospital. She was desperately searching for a TV guide (so she could watch some kind of college sports)  and had a handful of brochures to page through…when…whe stumbled upon the one brochure which had on its cover page a picture of Wally, smiling glowingly at a nurse. “Options for Pain Control” was the title and Wally was the star.
  7. On the day Doug went into the hospital, his Uncle Ken called (Wally’s Brother), “out of the blue” to see how Doug was doing.  Now, I believe he knew that Doug had cancer, but he had no clue he was in the hospital.  I know Wally put a bug in his ear to call Doug’s mom, he then called Doug in the hospital “out of the blue”.
  8. Last night  I called Doug’s mom, extremely frustrated about what I had seen going on in the hospital during that day.  I was in tears, terrified, “Mr. Doom and Gloom” and all that—then, as I sobbed on the phone, the lights in the house went dim as if someone had turned a dimmer switch 40 percent to the dark setting, in an instant!His mom asked me, “Well, how many lights do you have on?”.  “Two.”, I said.  They stayed that way until I went to bed.

There was no logical reason to have a brownout.

So far, today, nothing unusual has happened electrically or otherwise but my faith is strengthened when I have seen, at my lowest point, my nadir, someone is working to send me signs through the only medium they have available, that they are here and sending energy to make all things right, or more tolerable.  I guess I must say, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  “Mr. Doom and Gloom”, believes in the afterlife!

 

Goodbye Chemo Pump

Doug is nearly finished with his first round of chemotherapy; miraculously, he hasn’t even had any mild side-effects except for yesterday he did mention he had a “funny” taste in his mouth.  Before all this started, I was fairly confident he would fare better than most when it came to dealing with the draconian methods of modern cancer treatment.  He has been injected with majorly toxic drugs for which he brought home a hazardous waste bag in case there was a spill!  The chemo pump comes off today, however, and puts us one step closer to normalcy (whatever that its?)!

The first day, Thursday December 14th, he was injected with a toxic blast of Mytomycin which has the following possible side-effects:

  • Mouth sores
  • Poor appetite
  • Fatigue
  • Nausea and vomiting, usually mild
  • Diarrhea
  • Hair loss
  • Bladder inflammation (urinary frequency, burning, cramping, pain) – seen with intravesical (into the bladder) therapy.

Now I suppose these could come on later but we are now at the beginning of day 5 and despite my horrible, repetitive asking, “How do you feel?”, none of the above have occurred, at least in any major way.  I can’t help be on constant alert for something to go wrong and, not being the patient myself, find this position quite troubling, worrisome and just downright terrifying.

He has also been wearing a pump which has been giving him intermittent doses of a scary sounding chemical called Floxuridine  which comes with its own set of possible problems.

  • Mouth sores
  • Diarrhea (may be severe)
  • Poor appetite
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Hair loss
  • Elevated liver enzymes (temporary increase in alkaline phosphatase, lactate dehydrogenase, transaminase, and bilirubin). (see liver problems) This is seen more with the intra-arterial infusion directly into the liver.
  • Hand -foot syndrome (Palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia or PPE) -skin rash, swelling, redness, pain and/or peeling of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of feet. 
  • Stomach ulcers (This is seen more with the intra-arterial infusion).

Now it is still early, and one of the major effects of both of these drugs, and as I understand with most chemo drugs, is the lowering of white blood cell counts which opens a person up to the wonderful world of life-threatening infections.  These are the abstract concepts which cause me to awaken in the middle of the night in a sweating, cold panic.  Doug, however, has slept like a baby through the whole process of cancer treatment, so far.  Perhaps he has the fatigue setting in but I’ll just assume some of the fear of anticipation associated with undergoing all this chemical chaos has worn off a bit, allowing him to be more relaxed.

Last night, we had the most delicious what Doug calls a “Sunday Roast”—a beef roast with carrots and potatoes cooked around it, covered with an au jus.  My God it was delicious and seemed just the kind of hearty thing to eat; the meal was a tradition with his family and it therefore carries the medicinal effect of comfort.

Each day is all we have.  We just keep pretending everything is “normal”,  we don’t openly dwell on the scary concepts associated with the treatment (that is reserved for personal panic attacks on my part) but I do tend to be an annoying watch do ever on the lookout for side-effects.  “How are you feeling?”  Perhaps it’s best to just drop this line; he’ll tell me when and if there is something wrong.

So far, it is nothing short of another “tiny miracle” Doug has done as well as he has with his chemotherapy.  Your continued prayers and positive thoughts have made this all possible.  Thanks to you all on Doug’s and my behalf. 

 

The Little Miracles

Doug somewhat disappointed me the other day.  Throughout this whole cancer adventure we’ve been struggling to stay positive.  I was telling him about all the little miracles I had noticed happening all around me lately…good omens if you will…signs from God if you choose. 

For example: Doug is, and has been for many years, a huge Star Wars fan.  I was talking to him on the phone, as I do numerous times throughout the day since he’s been home on disability (much to his unnerving I sometimes think); I was taking a lunch break walk outside (amazing to be able to do so in the middle of December) to a nearby park.  The park has a modern version of a musical clock tower.  On the hour, it plays a couple of florid, clunky versions of  popular or once popular tunes…finding myself near it as we spoke on the phone, it became impossible to hear him speaking over the plumbing pipe version of “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.”  I told him I would call him later (repeatedly) and continued my walk.  Just then the “Raindrops” that were vibrating my head stopped, a couple seconds went by and then…the miracle: “The Star Wars (Main Theme)” began to play.  Now I’ve heard many a song on this horrible clock, and so has a coworker of mine who takes the same walk on her breaks…I’m talking ten years of breaks!  Neither of us has ever heard anything to do with “Star Wars”!  She, like me, thought it was a miracle.

When I told Doug about the little miracle he said, “It’s just a coincidence.”  My heart sank because I don’t believe you will see the miracles unless you believe in them, if you look for them.

Matthew 7

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
To me the “Star Wars” anthem playing at the very moment I hung up the phone symbolized the brave fight Doug was about to endure, the victory, and eventual destruction of Darth Cancer.  I’ll continue to believe that the Force is with him; and may the force be with you!

 

The Climb

Looking for old movies…found this triumph.  I had a heart attack, 100 percent blockage of the left ventricle, about four years ago or so.  Cardiac ICU, stent, all that crap. We took this challenge at my behest.  I forgot this video even existed; it shows the power of human will.  Shall we all climb together?

Please take the time to watch the whole thing. 

Doug was behind us all the way!

The Climb Squaw Creek National Wildlife Refuge

The Attraction of Pain

Kite Flying
Freedom in an Instant

“If peace is homeless, so are you and so am I.  And He Who is our home is homeless with us.  Is this your wish?  Would you forever be a wanderer in search of peace?  Would you invest your hope of peace and happiness in what must fail?”

“The body can bring you neither peace nor turmoil; neither joy nor pain.  It is a means, not an end.  It has no purpose of itself, but only what is given to it.  The body will seem to be whatever is the means for reaching the goal that you assign to it.  Peace and guilt are both conditions of mind, to be attained.”

“It is impossible to seek for pleasure through the body and not find pain.  It is essential that this relationship be understood, for it is one the ego sees as proof of sin.  It is not really punitive at all.  It is but the inevitable result of equating yourself with the body, which is the invitation to pain. (emphasis added) For it invites fear to enter and become your purpose.”–A Course in Miracles Chapter 19 The Attainment of Peace Section VIII, The Attraction of pain.


One must remember that this persisting illusion (our “existence”) will fade away.  Through faith, eternity and miracles are one’s birthright.  Pain is in your past, and may well be in your future, but linear time is a trick.  You can be King of your own Castle of consciousness and through the reality of mindfulness free yourself from every illusion for it is only in the very blink of your eye that you are free from pain, guilt and suffering.  This instant is yours.–TB

Depression

Brothers
It is the denial of the spark…

“The rituals of the god of sickness are strange and very demanding.  Joy is never permitted, for depression is a sign of allegiance to him.  Depression means that you have forsworn God.  Many are afraid of blasphemy, but they do not understand what that means.  They do not realize that to deny God is to deny their own Identity, and in this sense the wages of sins is death.  The sense is very literal; denial of life perceives its opposite, as all forms of denial replace what is with what is not.  No one can really do this, but that you can think you can and believe you have is beyond dispute”

“You may believe that you judge your brothers by the messages they give you, but you have judged them by the message you give to them.  Do not attribute your denial of joy to them, or you cannot see the spark in them that would bring joy to you.  It is the denial of the spark that brings depression, for whenever you see your brothers without it, you are denying God.” —“A Course in Miracles” Chapter 10 The Idols of Sickness, Section V. The Denial of God

Is this not the most difficult challenge we face in life;  seeing the same spark in our brothers that is within us?  Challenge yourself to look for it in even those you most despise and your depression will be gone.  TB