Doug has come a long way in a day. Above is his self-portrait he sent. Yesterday had to be the nadir. Nadir is the low point. I learned that word by reading about chemotherapy where they use the word nadir to describe the low point in the body’s white blood cell count. Yesterday was so bad that I wrote a lengthy post this morning but couldn’t bring myself to push the publish button. If anybody would like to read it just let me know and I’ll email the story to you; otherwise, it is better off left behind.
In certain circles, I am accused of “over-exaggerating things” and been given the insulting moniker “Mr. Doom and Gloom”–doesn’t necessarily sound like someone you’d want to spend any time with; but, I suppose Doug has acquired a tolerance for said “Mr.” over nearly thirty years which is all that really matters. That being said; yesterday was horrible for Doug.
Today he has made an amazing rebound from yesterday’s low point. For the first time in about five days, I watched him eat almost a whole plate of food and his vanilla pudding despite the fact he felt it had a “fake texture”. If he was willing to complain about something that petty he had definitely come a long way!
He had a whole day without running a fever. His trips to the bathroom have decreased, however, he still can’t walk with his legs together–kind of like a cowboy who’d been riding too long. The dark circles under his eyes were gone. We talked and laughed and joked; it was like an hour in heaven. For the first time, he said his pain was a 5 on the scale from one to 10. He is getting hydrated finally after they gave him a big jug to drink from instead of little styrofoam cups; his urine is no longer the color of Galliano.
I had a talk over the phone with his nurse about midnight last night. That’s all I’m going to say; but since he is getting a little more attention.
He still has a long way to go but there is word on the street of him maybe getting out by Friday. However, being Mr. Doom and Gloom, I don’t see him coming home quite that soon all though I desperately hope and pray that it is so.
Keep the good vibes coming. You too Wally! I know you are here.
From what I can tell, Doug is doing slightly better today…at least from his telephone reports. I told him today to stop apologizing for everything as if his having cancer was his own fault and everyone else’s problem.
I called him too many times this morning:
- First thing when I woke at 5 am. (the hospital doesn’t even allow calls through that early.
- Then he called me at 5:15 am to apologize that he didn’t call me at 5 am to make sure I had gotten up for work; which, I was afraid I wouldn’t as a thunderstorm was coming through and I feared the power would go out and the alarm wouldn’t sound.
- 6:30 am on the way to work
- 7:00 am when I got to work.
- Let’s say about ten more times after number 5.
Of course, he was worn out by my calling, and having been a patient myself way too many times, I should have known he just needed to rest. The calls were all selfish, just for me! So Doug told me in so many words that he needed to rest so I grew up for the first time in 30 years and just let him be.
Of note today:
- Fever is gone, though some think a fever is a “good thing”????
- He took less pain medication today: yesterday morphine wasn’t even working!
- He is eating more food. I tried to scare him into that one because I’ve had a feeding tube shoved up my nose and down through my Adam’s apple. Believe me, it is easier to force down horrible hospital food than to have it pumped in through your nose!
- His voice sounds brighter, more life in it.
- He is still having diarrhea but it is slowing slightly, still about every two hours.
I think his colon is becoming less fried and, perhaps more par-boiled at this point, but don’t expect to see him home anytime real soon. Although I saw him walking through the kitchen last night in his beige hoodie, with the hood up and his maroon sweatpants, plain as day. We leave footprints which exist outside of time.
I can’t in any way thank all of you enough who have even spent a second giving hope to us through prayer, meditation, fingers-crossed, heads bowed, hands held together…whatever you have done and can do is building Doug’s body back together and revitalizing both of our souls. I will, however, try to thank you by saying from both of our hearts (hearts do speak) “THANK YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL,”
Doug is in the hospital which is actually good news. He suffered for two days longer than he should have. He tends to under-report his symptoms. Hopefully, there is no serious infection. People come here to sit in the emergency room because they have a cough from the flu. We are both wearing masks because of these idiots.
Doug said he feels “way better” right now: nothing like a little Fentanyl!