Category Archives: Music

Awake At 3:30 AM

Some people would never admit they are worried.  An astute observer, however, can see through their facade.   When you have been with the same person for nearly thirty years you just know when something is wrong.

Doug has a very distinct set of three main worry symptoms.

  1. He never has trouble going to sleep; but, when worried wakes up often during the night, can’t go back to sleep, then gets out of the bed very early unable to go back to sleep. 
  2. Belching.
  3. Irritability.

Today is the first day of his cancer treatment to which he has made everyone well aware of the fact that he does NOT need a ride; almost certainly because he doesn’t want to be a bother to anyone else.  He also doesn’t want to make a “big deal” out of the cancer treatment because, in his mind, by making a “big deal” out of the situation that the situation will become a “big deal”.  I liken his thinking to that of a team of baseball players who, when they are behind in a game, put on their rally caps in order to reverse their fortune. 

Whatever gives you faith brother.

He’s belching, belching, belching…then taking some Tums.  On the outside he appears completely cool.  He would never say, “Oh Tim, I really scared about this treatment today!”   

He had the radio news on and I suggested we put on some music instead–Mozart.  I would ask him to meditate with me but he would never do that, at least this early in the morning.  When it comes to life Doug is just not a coachable person.  I’ll just do what I can to keep things calm which in this situation is to do and say as little as possible about the cancer treatment…just pretend it’s just another day, awake at 3:30 am listening to Mozart interspersed with belching.

Just so you know–he doesn’t read this blog.


The Little Miracles

Doug somewhat disappointed me the other day.  Throughout this whole cancer adventure we’ve been struggling to stay positive.  I was telling him about all the little miracles I had noticed happening all around me lately…good omens if you will…signs from God if you choose. 

For example: Doug is, and has been for many years, a huge Star Wars fan.  I was talking to him on the phone, as I do numerous times throughout the day since he’s been home on disability (much to his unnerving I sometimes think); I was taking a lunch break walk outside (amazing to be able to do so in the middle of December) to a nearby park.  The park has a modern version of a musical clock tower.  On the hour, it plays a couple of florid, clunky versions of  popular or once popular tunes…finding myself near it as we spoke on the phone, it became impossible to hear him speaking over the plumbing pipe version of “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head.”  I told him I would call him later (repeatedly) and continued my walk.  Just then the “Raindrops” that were vibrating my head stopped, a couple seconds went by and then…the miracle: “The Star Wars (Main Theme)” began to play.  Now I’ve heard many a song on this horrible clock, and so has a coworker of mine who takes the same walk on her breaks…I’m talking ten years of breaks!  Neither of us has ever heard anything to do with “Star Wars”!  She, like me, thought it was a miracle.

When I told Doug about the little miracle he said, “It’s just a coincidence.”  My heart sank because I don’t believe you will see the miracles unless you believe in them, if you look for them.

Matthew 7

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
To me the “Star Wars” anthem playing at the very moment I hung up the phone symbolized the brave fight Doug was about to endure, the victory, and eventual destruction of Darth Cancer.  I’ll continue to believe that the Force is with him; and may the force be with you!


The Climb

Looking for old movies…found this triumph.  I had a heart attack, 100 percent blockage of the left ventricle, about four years ago or so.  Cardiac ICU, stent, all that crap. We took this challenge at my behest.  I forgot this video even existed; it shows the power of human will.  Shall we all climb together?

Please take the time to watch the whole thing. 

Doug was behind us all the way!

The Climb Squaw Creek National Wildlife Refuge